The Perfect Match - Kristan Higgins

Summary:

What if the perfect match is a perfect surprise? 

 

Honor Holland has just been unceremoniously rejected by her lifelong crush. And now—a mere three weeks later—Mr. Perfect is engaged to her best friend. But resilient, reliable Honor is going to pick herself up, dust herself off and get back out there …or she would if dating in Manningsport, New York, population 715, wasn't easier said than done. 

Charming, handsome British professor Tom Barlow just wants to do right by his unofficial stepson, Charlie, but his visa is about to expire. Now Tom must either get a green card or leave the States—and leave Charlie behind. 

 

In a moment of impulsiveness, Honor agrees to help Tom with a marriage of convenience—and make her ex jealous in the process. But juggling a fiancé, hiding out from her former best friend and managing her job at the family vineyard isn't easy. And as sparks start to fly between Honor and Tom, they might discover that their pretend relationship is far too perfect to be anything but true love….

 

Review:

Back in 2009-2010, Sarah from SBTB and Jane from DA created a campaign to "Save the Contemporary."

 

It is books like this one that make me feel their time and energy was wasted and contemporary romance should have died out or get to the nadir of the genre and re-invent itself without help from bloggers or readers.

 

I'm sick and tired of heroines in contemporary romances that hit a magical age (27-35) and becomes a frantic mess because their life plans are not working out for them. Most of the time, it is their own fault, as with the case of Honor; the fact that this supposed smart woman could not see she was nothing but booty call for Brogan after 17 years says more about her intelligence than any degree from Columbia or Wharton. The author kept telling the reader that Honor was all these wonderful things: loving, smart, loyal, open hearted, and logical to name a few. Yet Honor kept making piss poor decisions and cruel judgments. Honor was such a weak ass doormat of a character. She was the biggest damn hypocrite in the book, and considering the other characters, that is saying something. For example, she mentioned often about Tom's drinking, but he never drank and drove, unlike Honor. Also, the author liked to put Honor in humiliating situations. I felt nothing but hatred for Honor, so those situations didn't work to inspire pity in me. Quite frankly, Honor didn't need a HEA - she needed a shrink and work that was removed from the family business. (more on the family in bit)

 

Tom, our "hero", was not exactly the great guy, but he wasn't nearly as bad as Honor. I felt myself warming up to him towards the end, despite his near constant thoughts about sluts, slutty clothes, sex, sex, and sex. Tom's favorite word was slutty. It got old real quick. And he was the biggest misogynist - naming the group of female students in his class the Barbarian Horde for example.

 

The real problem I had with this story was the utter lack of chemistry between Honor and Tom. Honor fell in love with Tom just a month after swearing she was in love with her booty call of 17 years, Brogan. Right.....

 

Then there was the secondary characters. Honor's family is one big dysfunctional mess. Any scene with the family set my teeth on edge. It wasn't funny or cute, it was inappropriate or mean. But I especially loathe the grandmother (named Goggy, for some reason that was never mentioned in the story) and Honor's older sister Pru (whose sexual inappropriateness bordered on pathological). I found no humor in this book, a selling point made in numerous reviews I read before downloading. I hated the constant use of Honor's eggs (as in eggs in her ovaries) giving out commentary; towards the end, when Honor started to talk back to the eggs, I felt like throwing my NOOK across the room. Tom's side characters were no better and honestly, they all repulsed me.

 

Then there was the special section where Honor, feeling sorry for herself and throwing a massive self-pity party, goes off on Faith (younger sister) and Faith's epilepsy. Honor believed no one in the family got on Faith about her flaws because she had an "occasional seizure." Honor also believed that Faith faked her illness more often to get sympathy. As an epileptic myself, I wish I had an "occasional seizure." I wish I didn't have them daily, despite medications and avoidance of triggers. If Faith did have her epilepsy under control, it is because she has to work damn hard and lots of overtime to keep it under control. I feel like the author used a medical condition/disability that can't be seen by the naked eye (unless you are having an episode at that moment) as fair game for a punching bag when she would not have the balls to do that with a visible disability.

 

No, I do not want to read anymore more of this series or anything else by this author. 0 stars.