Mail Order Misfit (Brides of Beckham) - Kirsten Osbourne

This book should have been titled "Two Goobers: A Sickly-Sweet and Repetitive Love Story."

 

First of all, this was written by a self-published author that does not believe in editing (numerous words missing or incorrectly used) or grammar. Example: using alone rather than along. October - December is not considered years, it is considered months. Also, on my NOOK copy of the book, there is a lot of blank spaces, so the 81 pages are more like 65-70 pages.

 

The story had a promising premise - heroine was injured as a child and the injury led to one leg being a lot shorter than the other leg, so she had a limp. She can walk around the house, but needs a cane for aid any long distances. She is tired of living under her over protective and negative nancy of a mom (historical example of helicopter parenting), so she leaves her upper middle class life for life as a mail order bride in Kansas prairie. I liked the heroine all the way up to the moment she met the hero. Then she became repetitive, "no one REALLY likes me because of my bum leg," whiner.

 

The hero is the biggest goober on the planet. How did he survive after leaving his family in North Carolina to own land in the West (governmental land grants) I will never know. He is not an idiot, just a giant goober. The hero has two appetites - one for food and one for sex. Dude fell for the heroine because she can cook and she likes sex a lot. And she was pretty to boot. Seriously, those three things is why he loves her. Oy vey.

 

The meeting of heroine and hero broke the land speed record for insta-love. Heroine corresponded with another man to be his bride, but he took one look at how she walked and rejected her (he also became the villain).  Hero thought the heroine was perfect as his wife before he said hello or introduced himself. Just saw her talking to someone else in a restaurant and thought "She's perfect!" Good gravy. He spends the rest of the book try to get the dumbass heroine to accept herself, bum leg and all.

 

The first sex scene was AWKWARD. Heroine kept bringing up her mother during foreplay. The whole conversation-foreplay was cringe-inducing. And of course, sex between two virgins was AMAZING *eyeroll* (although not actually stated, I believe the hero was a virgin because not even a prostitute would have sex with that goober). And for being so shy, heroine quickly warmed to having/talking about sex throughout the rest of the story. Epilogue - mother comes to visit and sees daughter happy (read: pregnant, because of course) and is happy for her.

 

I have one other book in the series and I am just going to delete that and this book. .5 star for making me one book closer to my reading challenge goal.