Trigger Warning: rape, homophobia, general women hating, slut shaming, single mother shaming, suicide as a plot device - this book runs the gamut. No racism, so that is a plus maybe?
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You know the saying, "The person who treats you nicely but treats the waiter horribly is not a nice person"?
Meet the MC of this horrible shit storm of a book - Emily Keane! The living embodiment of said not nice person.
Emily lives her life by a conservative routine, safe and secure about EVERY. FUCKING. DETAIL. OF. LIFE. ITSELF. She is a mentally draining character to read. Emily is a planner; she has two strict plans at the beginning of this book: 1) be promoted to the position of Creative Director at the advertising firm she and boyfriend work at and 2) to have said boyfriend of seven years, Lenny, propose. Neither works out and Emily goes into a tailspin. Emily's logic solution to having her plans screwed up by life, fate, other people - to take her own life via swallowing a shit ton of pills on her 27th birthday and donate her organs to people in need. Yes, she plans out the suicide to the letter in the week leading up to her "big day."
That coveted job is given to Emily arch-nemesis Simone (who Emily maturely nick-names Si-Moan), who likes to drink, have sex, dance, and laughs....basically likes to live. Simone does not know there is a rivalry between her and Emily, doesn't know that Emily hates her, and the whole arch-nemesis crap is clearly one-sided on Emily's part. The sheer amount of slut-shaming and woman-bashing in the earlier chapters makes me think a MRAs supporter wrote this shit. And by the end of the book, Emily and Simone are friends, even though Simone admitted to sleeping with Emily's ex after one too many beers and confessed that her first sexual encounter with a guy was when she was fourteen and the guy was her mother's boyfriend. Simone would use the word rape, but that was all I could think of.
Yes, single mothers are punching bags in this book. Emily's mother was single mother; she died when Emily was 5 because of a hit-and-run accident one night when she went out with friends to a bar. Needless to say, Emily's grandparents drilled it into Emily's head that single mothers are horrible selfish people. Simone also had a single mother, but her mother worked two jobs to support Simone and her mother had many lovers over the years (one who raped Simone). I found this to be quite offensive, as I had a single mother who busted her ass to support me and my sister in every way. I wouldn't be half the mom I am today without my mother being a role model. Fuck you Emily!
Emily's one friend is her hairdresser Tyler. Tyler is gay; after Lenny breaks up with Emily, Tyler tries to lift her spirits with a new cut and dye job, then escorts her to a big gala sponsored by GLAAD. Turns out, Simone won a raffle and ends up meeting Emily and Tyler. Tyler goes to network a bit, and Simone starts asking Emily if he is single, yada yada. Emily tells Simone that Tyler is gay and Simone's reaction? "Oh, he's a fudgepacker, huh? Too bad." REALLY?????? Emily is offended on behalf of Tyler and sets Simone straight about her word choice. Simone's response was "It was just a joke. Lighten up." UGH, cop out, aisle one. Then, an a hypocritical move, a few chapters later Emily is in a fight with Tyler and calls him a queen. Fuck my life - I should have DNF'd it right there.
While at the GLAAD gala, Emily meets Dr. Becker. Becker is a surgeon who left medicine to become a businessman. Emily lets it slip that she is going to kill herself and donate her organs. Becker's business is black market human organs. Emily signs a contract with Becker: for one million dollars right now, Emily will wait one year to kill herself while Becker lines up his customers and then when she kills herself, he will harvest her organs and sell them to his customers. Emily is not allowed to do damage to her organs in the mean time (like get blackout drunk and destroy her liver) or Becker will harvest her organs early to save his investment. I am reading this going EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
There is also various scenes of sexual harassment and violations of a woman's space. The cherry on this shit sundae.
Stay the hell away from this book. It is not funny in the least - it is very triggering, dangerous and insulting. -1 million stars, one star for every dollar Emily took in exchange for her organs.
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